matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
