I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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