And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
