Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
