Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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