Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
