I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
