summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
