:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
