I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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