I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
