I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
