Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
