It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
