This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
