Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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