oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
