im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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