I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize