Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
