I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
