Where is the hickey?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
