Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
