Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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