is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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