I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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