Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
