6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
