im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
