I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
