my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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