you have to choose: penises or morals?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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