drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
