he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
