I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
