im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
