I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how drunk are you?
Several
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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