Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
