I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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