My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize