He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize