Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
