we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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