Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
