Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
