I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
