if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to stop coming to work sober
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
