This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
