He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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