a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Terrible idea I love it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
