i think i have two assholes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
