ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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