Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
