My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
