I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
