My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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