I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
