Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's official drugs can't kill me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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