Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
