Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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