I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
