i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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