i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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