So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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