what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
