i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
