Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
