you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
