i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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