I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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