apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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