You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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