In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had to cum in my sink.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
