I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
