normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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