you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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