My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
