If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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