the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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