Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
