My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
