I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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